Anniversary~

Can't believe it's almost been 1 year..how time passed so fast..and i realize that i miss him very much. Every now and then i keep thinking about him and the relationship..what does it feels actually if we really did make it to the altar. Being said this makes me become so emotional *sob sob*... 21st November is the date we picked for our Wedding Day but...sob sob~

I wonder..maybe it's a test from God for we have been so long together...or maybe it was meant to be this way..i just don't know..all i know is that i just can't stop thinking about him or should i say, i just can't stop loving him. I just don't know how he could act so fine and calm..or maybe he's just acting tough in front of me.. :(..i'm a bit lost in my relationship..well, not a relationship anymore but i still love him and it's getting on my nerves sometimes *sob sob*

How bad he treated me before i just can't hate him so much. I still want to be there for him..it's like i've been compelled by him..sigh~..just like DJJ said the other day, "i think between KW and him, you will choose him. Whatever bad he did or does to you, you will always choose him"...which i think it's true. I don't know why. Although i have someone who treats me more better than he does, i still can't completely let go my love for him. I guess i have given him all of my love and now it's still with him which he doesn't even take good care of it *sob sob*..sometimes i feel so bad and guilty to my bf..even when i'm with bf, i can think about him. I know it's a bad thing to do but i just can't help it at times. Is it normal like this? God, just please help me~

There's so much things in my mind right now that i cannot even take it out from my chest. When night time comes, i will get so emotional and i started to cry. I miss being next to him, chat chatting 'till we fall asleep..if only i could have one day..just one day being next to him, that would be great.. :(..

You asked me to be happy, look forward not the past...how could you say that when you yourself still talks about your past and about me to other people? I know this from someone. Guess both of us are the same..we're too bond with each other that we cannot actually live without each other...but only you always trying to deny it or maybe you don't realize that. I don't think i could ever let you go completely..but then again..this is just now. I don't know 'till when this gonna last. I may have a great bf (or should i say perfect bf) but then i don't want that. All i really want is you..or maybe that's just my feelings..sigh~

That's all for now lah..can't write anymore. Tears keep falling down my cheek kalau i keep on writing. Just wanna wish you Happy 1st Anniversary (eventhough tidak kesampaian)..*sob sob*..